Last week, Political Calculations began a series on the things medical professionals write up in their notes. This week's edition finds more excerpts from the patient's medical charts....
Healthy-appearing, decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
This patient is a mess of contradictions! Obviously, further tests are required....
The patient refused an autopsy.
Recalling last week's edition, we have to wonder if this is the same patient whose discharge status was "alive but without permission."
The patient has no past history of suicides.
Do you ever get the feeling that medical people get upset when having to deal with living patients?
The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.
Well, that solved *that* problem....
Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.
Right. And the dog ate his homework too.
Patient was becoming more demented with urinary frequency.
The patient was literally pissing away their sanity!
The patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
Oh-my-gosh! They're retaining JELLO from the hospital cafeteria!
The patient experienced sudden onset of severe shortness of breath with a picture of acute pulmonary edema at home while having sex which gradually deteriorated in the emergency room.
Must have been quite embarrassed. Especially when they finally noticed all those doctors and nurses and orderlies watching....
Diagnosis: Claus-trophobia.
A terrible condition that gets worse every year when the stores set up their Christmas displays earlier and earlier.