This is the latest collection of notes taken from real-live medical charts that have arrived at my e-mail inbox. I don't know what they're feeding the doctors and nurses in the hospital anymore, but my guess is that the ones who wrote these gems could use another cup of coffee....
Patient arrived by avalanche.
This is why attempting to shorten emergency response times by locating the hospital at the foot of Ski Resort Mountain turned out to be a bad idea.
Patient stable all morning, in asystole.
Stable all morning, dead, what's the difference?!
Road Traffic Accident, back seat driver.
Hospitals get more business this way....
The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
Take two Viagra and call the doctor in the morning.
Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
Okay, let's cut that back to one Viagra.
The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut, and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.
Very sensitive, the pediatrician.
The skin was moist and dry.
Don't you just hate combination skin?
Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.
Dr. Rotorooter gets to the bottom of everything.
The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
They must have seen the menu for the hospital cafeteria....